first time for everything

I haven't blogged in a long long while, and no one actually sees this blog anyway so I could get away with posting just about anything I wanted to. I have a feeling it might start getting some traffic if I get around to promoting it, but who knows.

I had a real downer of an evening. put in 50 hours of work this week, overdrafted the moon, had one or two vent sessions over the boss/work, and endured some pretty fierce spiritual attacks. I survived all but the last - endured is the wrong word, sustained is perhaps a better choice. or perhaps even "fell flat on my face in front of".

it would make sense that all heck would break loose at once. things typically go fine for a long while, while the enemy bides his time and waits for an opportunity. then, wouldn't you know it, he springs in the midst of a firestorm. and I don't guard myself well at all.

I almost wonder if perhaps all heck broke loose as a result of loosing the battle. sin affects everything we do whether we know it or not. my emotional ventilation might not have been such a taxing experience had it not been for me screwing up. in fact, the whole work situation might have been handled completely differently if I hadn't allowed my connection to God get strained.

of course, the only thing I can do now is pick it back up and keep moving forward. I have the unfortunate duty of figuring out a good way to be accountable to someone. I know all the tricks and tips and so on about accountability, but for whatever reason (read: lazy) I have a hard time keeping it in place and useful.


on a completely different thought, I'm trying to figure out a way to make my life feel a little more "useful" right now. perhaps I could use this blog as a vehicle for, something. research? I did want to research and exegete a passage of Scripture and then put the results on here. maybe I'll do that later - it'd be nice to have a purpose again, rather than trying to find some kind of satisfaction out of building fences I'll never use or need.

I could probably carry on a thought or two about fences, but.....nah.